Resilience: Born Out of Necessity

It's no secret that I crave consistency. I enjoy predicatibilty to a fault. Predictability and steadfastness feel good to me and help keep my anxiety in check. But what happens when you totally lose control? Let's imagine you wake up one day and every routine, system and coping skill have been tossed out the window overnight. Simple tasks like walking, sitting in a chair or breathing have become painful. Your body hurts, but your mental health hurts more. There's no quick fix or medication to repair your wounds. Where do you turn?

Situations such as these create a catalyst for resilience. The story of overcoming or rising from the ashes can be seen time and time again throughout history. Resilience culture has taken over through conversations about growth mindset and positive thinking. The word resilience can be seen in athletics, schools, therapy programs, workplaces and everywhere in between. Resilience is an overused word, that's underdefined. In other words, we use the word in inappropriate contexts. In it's used interchangeably with grit, determination, drive, tough, stout, sturdy and durable. Which leads me to the question, do all these words actually mean the same thing?

Resilience has evolved throughout time. It was first used in the science world, to describe a metal's ability to return to its original state. Then in the 1970's, ecologists began associating the word with ecology and human response to traumatic events. Most recently, the word became associated with the terrorist attacks of 9/11. As a 33 year old woman, I identify most with the most recent version of the word. On September 11th, I was a 4th grade student waiting for my annual school physical when the second plane flew into the World Trade Center. I remember watching history unfold on the TV monitor, while we watched the building blow up into flames. It was a terrifying time and to help us cope with the unrest our nation was experiencing, what I now know as positive psychology emerged. We heard our teachers, president and other leaders speak of patriotism and survival. Every radio station and news channel played the same messages. YOU ARE SURVIVING! WE ARE WINNING! NOBODY CAN STOP US! We were living through a period of patriotism and unification, where the government, parents, teachers and other role models lacked the right words to calm our young minds. The terrorist attacks were unthinkable and positive talk was the method of messaging that rose to the top. Our caretakers were doing their best to cope during a scary time and I don't fault them for that. However, this is where toxic positivity take the lead role.

Human beings are famously resilient; no toxic positivity required. We're resilient because we're created to survive. I woke up after a traumatic accident in survival mode. I was no longer Sheridan. Survival mode becomes activated for humans when divorce, abuse, addiction, homelessness, illness and disability enter the picture. Our Western culture lacks a standard of care and we push people to constantly adapt. as opposed to heal or seek more specialized help.

I'm proud to say I'm no longer living in survival mode and I hope to never have be called resilient again. My resilience was born out of necessity. Positive talk was the worst thing I could've heard. While it was done with good intentions, empathy is what meant the most and took me the farthest. I'll never forget the people who met me where I'm at and continue to meet me there every day since. I'll never be the Sheridan who entered the roadway that day. I'm better.